Monday, March 15, 2010

Speaking Out-Of-Cans Out Loud

OK this is official. I try heeding the advice of one of the bloggers to blog while i'm drunk or at least tipsy. Now, i always have a problem with people who are vengeful. I am a peace loving dude with an imaginary "peace" sign tatooed around my barely there ass.

I had my run-ins with vengeful people* as long as my intoxicated mind can recall. Vengeful may be too strong a word to use but heck, when hate comes into full throttle, words are like negligible minute i care about the least. So vengeful it is. Eff that.

Few years ago i befriended this "hyper-sexy-guys-can't-resist-a-boner" girl in college and i enjoyed her company. Well, not strictly a company but a violent chatterbox who shoot things off her mouth without punching the button to the top floor. I compromised and i appreciated and respected her views on life. WTF is she talking about life with me having a stupendous moment with my cancer stick and it's best companion, coffee? I was on a study break so I NEED A EFFING BREAK SO STOP WHINING YOU CURSING ROBOTRESS!

Eff that. Everything went on smoothly with this gentle soul (my flat ass) and we, my close knit buddies and the hottie have had a few "memorable" parties without alcohol that is, yea i know say the word for me please. Fine. Great bonding times. If i could stamp out one minor detail away from the worthy memories it would be the nasty canine on permanent-riding-on-a-shotgun-thunderous-four legged-barker little dog, named A$$hole.

We were all pretty much bored with her ever ultra feminists bourgeoisie outlook on life. God knows, she also casted her crooked evaluative, judgemental views on the rest of us. Eff it again. We were crossed, boiling blood spilled on coffee tables on numerous Bitchthefuckabouther sessions we had during studies and fagging breaks.

Aaaaaaanyway, one fine day i received a combat text from her in my office while i was drafting a Statement of Claim to EFF someone upside down. I was pissed. Right away, i chuck my pathetic effort to the edge of my table and strangle held my pay-phone-like mobile. I EFFED her good with words, thank God. To spare myself some saliva, we exchanged bitchy abusive texts so fast a forty year old virgin would think he could last a EFF fest with a dozen of Italians longer than Borat and then she finally broke my last Coke straw into smithereens.

" Fuck you, you jackass alcoholic bastard! " echoed around my digits like 2457.96 times, i knew i had to delete her from my buddy list.

So "Gracefully", i ended our friendship and i've never heard of her ever since. Fin.

But she came on unexpectedly thunderous in my head moments ago and so, i decided to write about my perished friendship here.

Sorry you have to bear the length of my bitching but let's end it sweet and buttery right now. My lost, very sexy and hot friend, please die now. Oh wait, pick these out before you....

pinch your nose.

While you're at it, i'll bid you adieu with this.....

*Am i the one being vengeful now? You bet. This is what you call Diminished Responsibility. Loving every sweet second of it.

More appropriate posting tomorrow guys.


Anonymous said...

euh... cheers!

Sadako said...

Hey I think posting drunk is the best way to go. :D

zachary said...

You're awesome!


zachary said...


Not all the time lolololol..
It eats up lotsa dignity:)
Thanks for dropping by:)

sarah san said...

i think we all have that person in our lives.
mine was a girl too, similar to yours.....maybe,
just in the wrong ways.

Kinsey said...

Drunk blogging...I'll look into that.

zachary said...

thought i would build up from this experience. Won't be so careless next time around.But what's the point? humans are weird wired creatures.

Seems okay to me, not that bad considering i'm pretty much a very blog conscious nerd..I think i'm gonna do this more often, prolly every Friday or something..You should try too. Save them in drafts if you're not too sure bout it:) then publish the next time around when you're drunk again:) who knows?

Nuke Girl said...

Hey Zachary, thanks for the follow! And the compliments on the tatts, thanks. :)

You know what they say about hot people, right? For every hot person out there in the world, there's at least one other person who is tired of EFFing them."

lol :)

zachary said...

Nuke Girl!,
Thanks for the follow too:)
Guess you're right about this, I see through people easily. Gifted hehe :#

Glad you enjoyed reading my bitchin'


sarah san said...

we always gain experiences
from chaos.

zachary said...

Hence, chaotic poetic spits lol..
Oh man i'm shameless:#


Wynn Wygal said...

Two Things:

1. I can't really tell if you're an aspiring rapper, a poet, or just telling it how it is.
2. I very much hope that no one ever calls me a "ROBOTRESS".

zachary said...

I wouldn't know cuz i was tipsy, One thing's for sure writing under the influence of alcohol is very calming, therapeutic actually.

I'm trying to play around with words these day, more often:)


jh said...

Wasn't that a little bit too long ago and too old a story of yours for you to be so crossed again...or, just pure drunkenness? I like the last part of you on her with the finished cans by the way...funnily nice 1 haha

zachary said...

HA! yes, prolly too old..looking back now, I can't really point out why I'd write about her. Guess I was out of idea. I think I sold her cheap on the net HA!