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Monday, April 5, 2010

16th YEAR LEAVING US BEHIND

R.I.P.

Kurt Donald Cobain
2.20.1967 - 4.5.1994










To Boddah,


Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seems to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or to me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in-time-clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it ( and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough ). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces, Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away. peace, love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.


Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.

please keep going Courtney,

for Frances.

for her life which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!





Smells Like Teen Spirit cover by Patti Smith

10 comments:

les jeune fille à les oiseaux said...

what an awful day when the world lost him. it lost some spark to it. he was legend and still is legendary.

Kinsey said...

RIP

sarah said...

never liked him, really.

The Stepster said...

I'm glad you did an ode. You must be one huge fan. I like that.

zachary said...

Stepster,
You NEED to go to bed:)

JenniAsh said...

I'd like the thank you for your kind comment on my blog, it was very flattering.
I really like your blog too so am following.

Nice post about Cobain... I know the anniversary was a few days ago now but I still feel the need to write it. He was such a talented individual.

x

Violet said...

:(
Love Nirvana.
Thanks for the comment. Skittles! Taste the rainbow.

And if coffee can kill you, life would be meaningless. So I hope not.

Violet said...

:(
Love Nirvana.
Thanks for the comment. Skittles! Taste the rainbow.

And if coffee can kill you, life would be meaningless. So I hope not.

zachary said...

I'd like to thank you all for dropping by and leaving a message to Kurt. Thank you so much. Next...
well, i don't really like dead people lol...
Thanks again:)

Melanie's Randomness said...

It's been 16 years??? Yeesh. What a shame. His lyrics were so powerful & were right to the point. I wonder what he could have come up with now.