Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Transcendental State-Of-The-Art Of Getting Lost

Years ago when i used to play Caesar, a video game created around Gaius Julius Caesar, a Roman military and political leader, i enjoyed building villages and develop them into a town and equip the locals with military training and weapons to go raid other towns, part of an empire building process. I sometimes cheekily build totally unnecessary facilities just to have a good laugh, for instance i would build a military training school next to a Town Library just to annoy the locals and librarians. Today, more than a good ten years after Caesar was stolen by a friend, i felt the stupid town i created to annoy the locals has came back to haunt me. Karma? Nah..just a game. I tell you what it is. It's my tax money. Read on.

Now, absurd town planning poses tonnes poo and craps to folks both from in and out of town (visitors) For starters, signboards are meant to be a guide, not a tool to annoy roadusers let alone a death trap. Signboards are not suppose to be planted after an exit. My common sense tells me that they are supposed to be located before a turn in with an indication of distance to the intended exit. Agree?

They are also not to be erected behind a big tree very close to a fork road tskk..someday, the lovely little tree would grow bigger and obstruct the signboard. These 'navigators' are not supposed to have ten thousand destinations with very tiny fonts only an eagle could read. Again, town planners, don't be absurd. Eagles can't read and probably won't visit your town. Bustard birds, maybe.

So, give up on the signboards already! Trust your instincts, go with the flow, eventually you will lose your way, in a far less annoying manner. It is fact that a vehicle runs on fuel: petrol or diesel. I have not seen a single petrol station during my excruciating journey to my destination. I am very sure i am not etching my name in the history of the dumbest ever roaduser memorial plaque. Many would have felt and experience the same in this town. If ever there was a plaque for this species, i bet it would outnumber the signboards in this town.

I was so worried i would run out of petrol my eyes swapped its position with my mouth. I looked and felt ridiculous and i was driving red-faced thanks to the warning light blipping on the counter. Immediately, like Tarzan, my survival instinct told me to check the credit balance on my mobile. RM 1.09. Petrol running low, credit running out, car breaks down, premature death. So, i am determine to look for either a petrol station or a kiosk, whichever comes first. Asking the local folks and workers for directions proved to be fruitless. I began to wonder if the folks here were really programmed to only their work desk and err.. their bosses' agendas.

Somehow i managed to reach my destination, finished my business, got out of town and filled up my car along the highway heading back to KL. The features on my face recalibrated themselves the further i drove away from the town.

I reflected along the way home. The place i escaped from was definitely not visitor friendly. Poor town planning resulted in a total waste of fund. Tax payer's money. If i really have to go to Putrajaya again, i would have to do 3 things. Firstly, i will drive 6 cars filled up to the brim, secondly, top up RM 1,000.00 worth of talk time credit to my mobile, and lastly, say 3000 prayers to calm myself down trying to spot and understand the signboards.

However, the evening view of the town and its surroundings was breathtaking. Simply amazing. It was so picturesque you would eventually enjoy getting lost again and again. At least i know where my tax went to. It went to create just an impression.

I do not work there and so i am casually calling myself a visitor. A good town should be friendly and convenient to the visitors. A bad town on the other hand should attract the directors and producers of the Amazing Race. I am glad my race is over.

Now, have my thief friend became an architect cum town planner already?

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